Here we are. I am sitting in my home, alone. This is WEIRD! For the past 4 years and 9 months I have been Mommy. That's who I am. I am Ethan and Trevor's Mommy right? Well yes. But that is not all I am. I am Heather Sargeant a 25 year old Woman. A person, a daughter, a wife, a photographer, an athlete, a primary teacher. So here I sit. My first day home while my babies are at school. I've been sitting around for about 2 1/2 hours trying to figure out what to do. I am so lost. I haven't focused on anything but Ethan and Trevor for so long I do not remember anything else. But now it's my time. My babies are being perfectly taken care of. They are happy. Its Heather time. It's time to work on me. I feel so guilty and selfish saying that and it has taken me a little while to realize that it is not only OKAY but perfectly healthy and smart to take time to take care of myself. Sometimes I should put me first. And I am going to do that now. No more not doing things because I am tired. I am going to live the life that I have wanted to since I was little and first dreaming of what my life was going to be like. I am going to try to be the Heather with so much potential laid out for her to achieve and work towards in her patriarchal blessing.
I read this morning about the 100 challenge. It is a challenge that this woman took to change her life in 100 days. Her was mostly about weight and that will be a huge part of what my 100 challenge will be focused on but I also want to change other aspects of my life. My main goal is not to get skinny. It is to learn and gain willpower, become healthier and succeed in my goal so that my whole life can stop being focused on my weight. Another huge part of my challenge is going to be running a household. and then the third aspect of my challenge is going to be learning to maintain these new changes and habits even when things get difficult. So. Here we go. I cannot even begin to number the amount of times I have failed at every single one of these things. I feel as if I have been given an second chance at being Heather. That probably sounds funny but I have struggled so much with my identity ever since I was a girl. I always needed someone or something to define me. Now I want to take control and define myself. I want to choose who Heather is and make a valiant effort at making my life what I want it to be.
I have a lot of high hopes and lofty goals but I believe my success in this challenge will be that I am not expecting perfection. I am expecting effort. I know, pathetic right? Effort is something that has been very hard for me throughout my life. If i don't feel perfection is attainable I simply don't even try. That is even worse than quitting. At least if you quit something you had the courage to try it in the first place. Can I change? Is it possible. Well, I guess I will find out. This is more of a journal than a blog. I want to document my life so I can stop trying to keep every little thing in my head. its all cluttered in there :)
